Are we superficial or just picky?


I admit that I am a very picky person when it comes to dating and I also admit that I can be very superficial but that always wanes when I get to know more about the person.

I am on two dating sites: Okcupid and POF and some of the men on there and their wishlists I will never understand. All I can think of when I read them is, “well, no wonder you’re alone”, but then again so am I.

My wishlist is the following: Tall, preferably 6 ft and above, nice build, angular or square jaw, nice hands and full lips. I also will point out that I am more attracted to white men. I am not putting down any other races because I represent two of them and I was raised in a Latin American country. I am not racist by any means, it is just my preference.

I think though that this is where I can say I am more picky than superficial. If a guy I am talking to doesn’t meet my wishlist, and most don’t, I won’t drop them like a hot potato.


On OKcupid you fill out a questionnaire and if you match with someone you get to see if you answer the same questions in a compatible way. I like this because that also helps me change my mind about a guy I might have found attractive or less so. I have stumbled upon profiles where the men are incredibly good looking but be turned off immediately by their answers. I can also be not so sure about them physically and end up messaging them after studying our compatibility.

I saw one guy though who wanted to meet a woman who had played basketball her entire life…ummm what? He didn’t seem to want to give a chance to others who had maybe started the sport a few years ago, he wanted someone who had started playing basically since inception and continued playing it til this day. He made it seem like it would be something that would connect them both because he played the sport but is it really that important? I am sure there are other things that could have tied him to his perfect person but he won’t get that chance any time soon because he is fixated on that one thing. I played basketball, but because I gave it up after high school I just don’t fit in his list.


There is this question on OKcupid that asks if you only date toned people. When that question is answered yes, that bothers me and turns me off completely. I am not toned so the chances of someone who does go for that body type sending me a message are slim to none, and it kind of makes you feel like you aren’t good enough. Anyway…. I understand a tiny bit when a fit person, who works hard to keep their body in shape wants the same but again it’s not the only thing you could connect on and enjoy together. It also seems to me that some of these men use it as a guise to say that it’ll give them something to talk about, something to have in common when the truth is that it’s just their superficiality shinning through.

I am picky and I can be superficial but I hope I can decipher the difference between an immature handsome man who has this long list of things that he wants physically and a nice looking man who doesn’t really have a type and just wants to see if there is a connection.  Physical attractiveness is important to some degree. You should be attracted to the person you’re meant to spend your life with but don’t be superficial about it. If you’re going to have a list have a list of personality traits and how you expect to be treated, not physicality or money.

So, are you superficial or do you just have high standards?