Are we superficial or just picky?

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I admit that I am a very picky person when it comes to dating and I also admit that I can be very superficial but that always wanes when I get to know more about the person.

I am on two dating sites: Okcupid and POF and some of the men on there and their wishlists I will never understand. All I can think of when I read them is, “well, no wonder you’re alone”, but then again so am I.

My wishlist is the following: Tall, preferably 6 ft and above, nice build, angular or square jaw, nice hands and full lips. I also will point out that I am more attracted to white men. I am not putting down any other races because I represent two of them and I was raised in a Latin American country. I am not racist by any means, it is just my preference.

I think though that this is where I can say I am more picky than superficial. If a guy I am talking to doesn’t meet my wishlist, and most don’t, I won’t drop them like a hot potato.

 

On OKcupid you fill out a questionnaire and if you match with someone you get to see if you answer the same questions in a compatible way. I like this because that also helps me change my mind about a guy I might have found attractive or less so. I have stumbled upon profiles where the men are incredibly good looking but be turned off immediately by their answers. I can also be not so sure about them physically and end up messaging them after studying our compatibility.

I saw one guy though who wanted to meet a woman who had played basketball her entire life…ummm what? He didn’t seem to want to give a chance to others who had maybe started the sport a few years ago, he wanted someone who had started playing basically since inception and continued playing it til this day. He made it seem like it would be something that would connect them both because he played the sport but is it really that important? I am sure there are other things that could have tied him to his perfect person but he won’t get that chance any time soon because he is fixated on that one thing. I played basketball, but because I gave it up after high school I just don’t fit in his list.

 

There is this question on OKcupid that asks if you only date toned people. When that question is answered yes, that bothers me and turns me off completely. I am not toned so the chances of someone who does go for that body type sending me a message are slim to none, and it kind of makes you feel like you aren’t good enough. Anyway…. I understand a tiny bit when a fit person, who works hard to keep their body in shape wants the same but again it’s not the only thing you could connect on and enjoy together. It also seems to me that some of these men use it as a guise to say that it’ll give them something to talk about, something to have in common when the truth is that it’s just their superficiality shinning through.

I am picky and I can be superficial but I hope I can decipher the difference between an immature handsome man who has this long list of things that he wants physically and a nice looking man who doesn’t really have a type and just wants to see if there is a connection.  Physical attractiveness is important to some degree. You should be attracted to the person you’re meant to spend your life with but don’t be superficial about it. If you’re going to have a list have a list of personality traits and how you expect to be treated, not physicality or money.

So, are you superficial or do you just have high standards?

Superficial

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Who here will admit to being superficial? (raises hand) well if no one else will come clean I most definitely will. I can be superficial when it comes to the opposite sex. I like a guy to be taller than me and in good shape. Why? Well my thinking is that I am not a small girl. I am not fat but I am not small and I would like to feel protected. I don’t want to be walking around the corner and have to defend myself and my boyfriend from some muggers. I do have a catch though… he has to also have a nice face and that is where I can get very picky. I am trying to change my perspective a little but it’s hard to let go.

So this presented a challenge when I decided to try online dating. Very few men caught my attention and if they did they were out of my league. I need to learn to be attracted to men who are also attracted to me but I have no idea how to do that.

I did notice something on all these profiles. I know some people have been known to put fake pictures up but the men I actually met with matched their pics they just didn’t match their body type. I didn’t understand that. You do realize that if you are on a dating site usually your goal is to eventually meet someone face to face. So what happens when you meet someone who wasn’t completely honest online?

The first guy I met had athletic and toned as a body description on his profile. When I went to meet him and I saw him walking towards me I just kept thinking “please don’t let it be him” of course it was and he looked like he was 4 months pregnant. The second guy I got in touch with told me point blank “I hate it when people lie about how they look, why can’t they just be honest?” Really?! When I met this one he was skinny and also had a tummy. I just didn’t get it, why would you start a potential relationship with a lie? I’ve seen some big men describe themselves as athletic and toned and I just have to roll my eyes. Be honest! Especially if you’re looking for something serious. I promise I ‘ll respect you a lot more if you do.

I am want to squash my superficialness but it’s difficult for me. I think it’s because I know that if I am not attracted to someone I am just never going to have those feelings. I am trying to not be so picky when it comes to height but for some reason I can’t budge on the body. What is that saying? Beauty comes from the inside…agreed but you also have to be attracted to the person you’re with so that the inner beauty will shine even more. Does that make sense? Maybe I just need to go to therapy. In the back of my mind I also do think about making my friends jealous since it would make quite a statement. That thought doesn’t drive me but I do think about it from time to time especially since I am not the type to have a lot of bfs.

So are we superficial just because we are picky or do we secretly want to make our friends jealous by dating the hot guy?

Don’t rely on men to make you happy (easier said than done) and I definitely need to go back to therapy.