X’s

Standard

I am sure that when it comes to exes we have all made mistakes that we wish we hadn’t. When we are new to relationships we are very insecure and are not entirely sure how it works and what the rules are. Why X’s instead of exes? Because I think you should just cross them off your life. Some people can be friends with their exes and that’s fine but it’s just not for me.

The first guy that seemed to be remotely interested was this guy I pretty much spoke with only online. He was 30 and I was 22 (late bloomer). First sign that he wasn’t right for me (or anyone for that matter) is when he told me he loved me after four days. The second sign was that he had baby mama drama. The third sign was pretty obvious, he kept breaking up with me every Friday. Sadly he was the first guy to really pay that kind of attention to me and I didn’t think I could do any better. Every Friday I convinced (cringing) him to stay with me and we got back together every Monday. The dude was unstable. He pretended to be his ex once and called me all types of names. In the beginning I thought it was him but he dragged the convo on and it seemed very convincing. I was riddled with anxiety with him all the time and I wasn’t happy. I went to Spain one summer so internet was limited because we didn’t have an internet provider in our house. I spoke to him less and less and realized that I didn’t miss him as much. When I was finally back in the States he called me and I just told him I didn’t want to hear from him anymore. He later texted me telling me that he didn’t want me to hate him. I didn’t hate him I felt sorry for him but there was no way I was keeping him in my life. I really thought it would be smooth sailing because he was 8 years older but immaturity has no age.

When I was 24 I met a 28 year old guy online (see a pattern here?) but we did meet in person and it happened fast. We got to know each other for about 6 month before we got together but I had to keep bringing the convo up. He never really seemed to want to talk about getting together and once we did I fell into the same pattern of me trying to convince him to be with me. He didn’t think I was mature enough to make my own decisions and he kept second guessing us. We weren’t together long though. I was quickly getting sick of me trying to convince him to stay with me but again I thought I couldn’t do any better so I stayed. Towards the end of our first month I didn’t hear from him for about 10 days and I met my sisters ex boyfriends brother and I realized I liked him and that I wasn’t missing my bf anymore. When I finally heard from him again I broke it off with him. Why? Because I knew I could do better.

The last guy was the one I thought I could have a good relationship with. I never really had to convince him to be interested in me. He seemed to be interested and stayed interested for a while but he had been deployed when we started talking so again it was an online thing. He did mention that he was recently divorced which bothered me a bit because I didn’t want any drama from his ex. I remember asking him if he was sure about getting to know me and pursuing this when his deployment was over and he said yes. So low and behold he calls me when he lands and then texts me but the texts and calls quickly disintegrate. He kept saying he was busy and visiting all these people and I wondered well if he is visiting everyone why isn’t he making plans to come see me? I would text him every once in a while with no response and then I saw him online and said hello. He never wrote back. I know that he obviously got cold feet when he got home because his divorce just seemed that much more real but an apology or some closure would have been nice. If you aren’t sure if you can handle something don’t tell me you can!

Just yesterday I spoke to Aislinn, a cousin of mine who got dumped (gave me her blessing to be mentioned) and she is all upset about the breakup (understandable). They broke up last week and I asked her if she had reached out to him she said she had already called him and texted a few times. I would have given him a little time to breathe and since I am tired of convincing men to be with me I would have waited to see if he made the first move to get back together. Aislinn said that he hadn’t answered to any of her inquiries…that’s when you need to stop. If he isn’t calling you back then he needs time to think things over and you need to give him that or you’ll look like a psycho ex and he’ll never take you back.

So why do we try to claw and scratch our way back into a relationship when we know deep down that it just isn’t stable or right enough for us? We are all worthy of getting the best of the best so why settle for an idiot that can’t give us what we want and need? We will find someone better and he/she will come when we stop clawing and scratching our way in.

Be happy alone rather than unhappy with a partner

 

 

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Superficial

Standard

Who here will admit to being superficial? (raises hand) well if no one else will come clean I most definitely will. I can be superficial when it comes to the opposite sex. I like a guy to be taller than me and in good shape. Why? Well my thinking is that I am not a small girl. I am not fat but I am not small and I would like to feel protected. I don’t want to be walking around the corner and have to defend myself and my boyfriend from some muggers. I do have a catch though… he has to also have a nice face and that is where I can get very picky. I am trying to change my perspective a little but it’s hard to let go.

So this presented a challenge when I decided to try online dating. Very few men caught my attention and if they did they were out of my league. I need to learn to be attracted to men who are also attracted to me but I have no idea how to do that.

I did notice something on all these profiles. I know some people have been known to put fake pictures up but the men I actually met with matched their pics they just didn’t match their body type. I didn’t understand that. You do realize that if you are on a dating site usually your goal is to eventually meet someone face to face. So what happens when you meet someone who wasn’t completely honest online?

The first guy I met had athletic and toned as a body description on his profile. When I went to meet him and I saw him walking towards me I just kept thinking “please don’t let it be him” of course it was and he looked like he was 4 months pregnant. The second guy I got in touch with told me point blank “I hate it when people lie about how they look, why can’t they just be honest?” Really?! When I met this one he was skinny and also had a tummy. I just didn’t get it, why would you start a potential relationship with a lie? I’ve seen some big men describe themselves as athletic and toned and I just have to roll my eyes. Be honest! Especially if you’re looking for something serious. I promise I ‘ll respect you a lot more if you do.

I am want to squash my superficialness but it’s difficult for me. I think it’s because I know that if I am not attracted to someone I am just never going to have those feelings. I am trying to not be so picky when it comes to height but for some reason I can’t budge on the body. What is that saying? Beauty comes from the inside…agreed but you also have to be attracted to the person you’re with so that the inner beauty will shine even more. Does that make sense? Maybe I just need to go to therapy. In the back of my mind I also do think about making my friends jealous since it would make quite a statement. That thought doesn’t drive me but I do think about it from time to time especially since I am not the type to have a lot of bfs.

So are we superficial just because we are picky or do we secretly want to make our friends jealous by dating the hot guy?

Don’t rely on men to make you happy (easier said than done) and I definitely need to go back to therapy.