I did mention in a previous post that I am on an online dating website but I never really gave it much of a chance until recently. I have been more proactive and looking at other men’s profiles and that usually causes at least some of them to write you if they find you interesting.
The problems start when you actually respond to someone you might see yourself with or at least have an attraction towards. A lot of women are able to exchange messages and numbers and reach their goal… going out on that first date. I on the other hand am completely stagnant. Texting scares the shit out of me now and I never used to pay that much attention to it before but I realize that that is when I loose them.
Now every time I make some type of connection with someone on the site I freak out because I know that eventually they’ll give me their number and just like all the other conversations it will fizzle down.
I don’t bombard them with texts. I say my part and then wait for them to respond but I never know what the proper etiquette is and I never knew it was so damn complicated. Most of the time I wait for them to make the first move because I assume what I am sure most women assume as well. If a man is interested he will do anything to see you.
Every one has a different way of expressing themselves though and I am forever confused with what the rules are. I know someone who manages to be bombarded by dates and she doesn’t wait an hour to respond to a message she responds as soon as her phone rings. I read somewhere that you are supposed to take your time to respond to texts and make them think that you have your own life and aren’t waiting around for them. It really frustrates the hell out of me because this woman answers them immediately and she gets tons of dates while I try not to appear eager and get none.
I also read that we shouldn’t take our crushes not responding immediately as a form of rejection. I understand that people are busy and have lives but you cant always take 4 hours to respond to someone you supposedly like. I always thought that if you didn’t respond right away you weren’t interested. People are different so some rules wont apply to everyone but it seems like no matter how different the men I’ve been in contact with are from each other they, as well as us, still manage to play the same texting games.
I still get excited when I meet someone but words mean nothing to me anymore. In the moment I might get excited by the sweet words or mentions of the future but then I remember that others have done the same and have not acted on it.
I wish we could all just say how we feel and turn our words into actions instead of wondering all the time if your crush is truly into you or just bored.
So, would you rather text a bunch of men or women and never meet them or be known as the first date queen or king?
I am sure that when it comes to exes we have all made mistakes that we wish we hadn’t. When we are new to relationships we are very insecure and are not entirely sure how it works and what the rules are. Why X’s instead of exes? Because I think you should just cross them off your life. Some people can be friends with their exes and that’s fine but it’s just not for me.
The first guy that seemed to be remotely interested was this guy I pretty much spoke with only online. He was 30 and I was 22 (late bloomer). First sign that he wasn’t right for me (or anyone for that matter) is when he told me he loved me after four days. The second sign was that he had baby mama drama. The third sign was pretty obvious, he kept breaking up with me every Friday. Sadly he was the first guy to really pay that kind of attention to me and I didn’t think I could do any better. Every Friday I convinced (cringing) him to stay with me and we got back together every Monday. The dude was unstable. He pretended to be his ex once and called me all types of names. In the beginning I thought it was him but he dragged the convo on and it seemed very convincing. I was riddled with anxiety with him all the time and I wasn’t happy. I went to Spain one summer so internet was limited because we didn’t have an internet provider in our house. I spoke to him less and less and realized that I didn’t miss him as much. When I was finally back in the States he called me and I just told him I didn’t want to hear from him anymore. He later texted me telling me that he didn’t want me to hate him. I didn’t hate him I felt sorry for him but there was no way I was keeping him in my life. I really thought it would be smooth sailing because he was 8 years older but immaturity has no age.
When I was 24 I met a 28 year old guy online (see a pattern here?) but we did meet in person and it happened fast. We got to know each other for about 6 month before we got together but I had to keep bringing the convo up. He never really seemed to want to talk about getting together and once we did I fell into the same pattern of me trying to convince him to be with me. He didn’t think I was mature enough to make my own decisions and he kept second guessing us. We weren’t together long though. I was quickly getting sick of me trying to convince him to stay with me but again I thought I couldn’t do any better so I stayed. Towards the end of our first month I didn’t hear from him for about 10 days and I met my sisters ex boyfriends brother and I realized I liked him and that I wasn’t missing my bf anymore. When I finally heard from him again I broke it off with him. Why? Because I knew I could do better.
The last guy was the one I thought I could have a good relationship with. I never really had to convince him to be interested in me. He seemed to be interested and stayed interested for a while but he had been deployed when we started talking so again it was an online thing. He did mention that he was recently divorced which bothered me a bit because I didn’t want any drama from his ex. I remember asking him if he was sure about getting to know me and pursuing this when his deployment was over and he said yes. So low and behold he calls me when he lands and then texts me but the texts and calls quickly disintegrate. He kept saying he was busy and visiting all these people and I wondered well if he is visiting everyone why isn’t he making plans to come see me? I would text him every once in a while with no response and then I saw him online and said hello. He never wrote back. I know that he obviously got cold feet when he got home because his divorce just seemed that much more real but an apology or some closure would have been nice. If you aren’t sure if you can handle something don’t tell me you can!
Just yesterday I spoke to Aislinn, a cousin of mine who got dumped (gave me her blessing to be mentioned) and she is all upset about the breakup (understandable). They broke up last week and I asked her if she had reached out to him she said she had already called him and texted a few times. I would have given him a little time to breathe and since I am tired of convincing men to be with me I would have waited to see if he made the first move to get back together. Aislinn said that he hadn’t answered to any of her inquiries…that’s when you need to stop. If he isn’t calling you back then he needs time to think things over and you need to give him that or you’ll look like a psycho ex and he’ll never take you back.
So why do we try to claw and scratch our way back into a relationship when we know deep down that it just isn’t stable or right enough for us? We are all worthy of getting the best of the best so why settle for an idiot that can’t give us what we want and need? We will find someone better and he/she will come when we stop clawing and scratching our way in.