Stuck, Confused and shall we say slightly Desperate?


Whoa!! Its been a little more than a month since I have updated. For those of you who care I’ll try not to go that long again without posting but if you just started reading my blog I am sure you couldn’t care less so on with it. Wishing you a belated HAPPY NEW YEAR and hope all your dreams come true… ok… now on with the post.

I am so stuck in a rut it’s unbelievable and I am sure that I am not the only one. Something happened to me last Friday though that made me think wow! I am smarter than this, why did I do it?

So on my amazing exciting retail job I helped a customer who was “impressed” with my customer service skills. I think I may have been acting very well that day, anyway he told me his job was looking for new recruits and he would call me to set up an interview. I didn’t think I would hear from him and honestly I didn’t really care but low and behold he contacted me. Isn’t it funny when you hear from the jobs you couldn’t care less about and never hear from the one you really want? Went to the interview and what little expectation I had quickly washed off me the more I learned about this company but I was so desperate to get away from my job that I kept trying to find the silver lining. The guy then asks me for money to do a background check. I thought it was weird but I didn’t get a bad feeling from it and I gave him a credit card. I realize I had been hired on the spot although I was never told and when I called my mom and told her about the money she freaked out! “You are smarter than this”, “You are thinking like a little child”, “They are going to wipe us out”! Turns out that wasn’t the case but I did realize wow! I must be more desperate than I thought to get out of retail if I didn’t even ask why they needed the card.

The whole situation just made me more depressed. I thought this company was my light at the end of the tunnel and it really wasn’t. I spoke to my mom and realized that I still don’t exactly know what I want to do. I know that I want media involved. Forms of entertainment (except porn) have always interested me, any company that is involved in the creative would be something that would get me excited with life. Like I said on my first post I like being invisible and not being noticed so learning things behind the scenes would be a good fit for me. I was trying to get into PR but my mom mentioned that I don’t like the public, which is true but there are always going to be parts of your job that you don’t like even if it is your passion right?

Honestly? I haven’t really been looking for a job to get out of the one I oh so love! Why? Because I have had ample opportunity to move forward and something always happens that throws me back. I have this voice telling me why bother? You have tried and you keep falling down, maybe you’ve exhausted all your options… and I don’t want to get excited over a job just to get my dreams crushed yet again.

So why would we rather just exist in depression and not live in happiness?


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